Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
