I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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