Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
