Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
