Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize