How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
