Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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