Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
