I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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