I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
