I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
