I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
