how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
