well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
