There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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