You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
