In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
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I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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