he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
