I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
