We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My vagina is officially offended.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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