I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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