so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
