Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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