just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
