So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
