and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
