I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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