Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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