Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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