I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize