I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
