8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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