hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize