So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
