I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so that wasnt chicken after all
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
