unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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