now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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