and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
