I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
