new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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