i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
