I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
