whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
