They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
