ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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