And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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