check it out our google latitudes are spooning
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
