i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
