know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
