We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
