Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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