She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize