WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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