I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
