she looked like the before picture.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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