hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
