Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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