I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
