we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
