I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
