I don't remember. Are we still dating?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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