I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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