...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
