spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
