That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
